We GROW in ESTEEM
through a PRACTICE of FEELING
expressed, heard, understood
using DEESC
a self asserting COMMUNICATING tool.
through a PRACTICE of FEELING
expressed, heard, understood
using DEESC
a self asserting COMMUNICATING tool.
MANAGER BUILDS SAFE WORKPLACE ENVIRONMENT
TO WHAT EXTENT IS IT IMPORTANT TO BUILD A WORKPLACE ENVIRONMENT THAT IS SAFE?
Perhaps ask yourself the consequence of
Perhaps ask yourself the consequence of
- pretending you know all the answers
- shouting, bullying, publicly dressing down humiliating a mistake
- grinding a suggestion into the ground
- free expression of thought
- be living in fear and survival mode?
- be willing to take risk, assert healthily or self protect, stay low?
- be willing to express freely
- feel heard, acknowledged, understood
Talk Behind Your Back
What do you say after you hear from a neighbour that someone has been talking behind your back especially when its not true and makes you feel terrible?
How does it make you feel when you are told in confidence that someone has been saying you are a terrible neighbour and you don't know why, or what the situation pertains to?
To what extent can talking behind your back become an issue and DEESC be used to resolve that?
How does it make you feel when you are told in confidence that someone has been saying you are a terrible neighbour and you don't know why, or what the situation pertains to?
To what extent can talking behind your back become an issue and DEESC be used to resolve that?
NEW FENCE
The Scenario
Neighbour wants to replace fence because wants privacy and you can see their point but you don't want to spend the money. The last thing you want is to be disagreeable.
You want your neighbour to have their outcome but Feel
- Fence is still good
- Expense on your side is not good right now got other priorities
- Want to negotiate a fair and reasonable deal but not be passive about it.
To what extent can one particular neighbor become an problem and DEESC be used to resolve that?
Neighbour wants to replace fence because wants privacy and you can see their point but you don't want to spend the money. The last thing you want is to be disagreeable.
You want your neighbour to have their outcome but Feel
- Fence is still good
- Expense on your side is not good right now got other priorities
- Want to negotiate a fair and reasonable deal but not be passive about it.
To what extent can one particular neighbor become an problem and DEESC be used to resolve that?
WHICH OF THE SIX NEEDS IS SATISFIED WITH MY UPSET AND ARE THERE ALTERNATIVES?
WHEN we SNAP out of passive and EMBRACE aggressive by being an upset which of the six needs is INSTANTLY satisfied? ARE there ALTERNATIVES?
Being aggressive due to an upset usually is because we want to be significant enough to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of love and connection.
The cost of having our significance for a fleeting moment is that being "an upset" usually prevents others from feeling loving towards us. Is this what you want?
Sometimes it is. Sometimes people are annoying and you want nothing more to do with them. The question is...
Are there better ways of achieving the same result?
Being aggressive due to an upset usually is because we want to be significant enough to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of love and connection.
The cost of having our significance for a fleeting moment is that being "an upset" usually prevents others from feeling loving towards us. Is this what you want?
Sometimes it is. Sometimes people are annoying and you want nothing more to do with them. The question is...
Are there better ways of achieving the same result?
TEAM MEMBER FEELS SAFE IN THE TEAM ENIRONMENT
To what extent is feeling safe in your team environment important.
Members in a team do NOT feel safe when AGREEMENTS are ignored or when their BOUNDARIES are in constant danger of being breached... but more often it is because a team member feels slightly uncomfortable, or uneasy letting others know what their boundaries are... OR feel it too rude and officious to enforce a boundary and letting a person know that they just overstepped it. So it becomes an inner tug of war that never gets resolved and builds more unwanted stress.
Penciling in boundaries that you insist others in your team are to observe has its risks. It can quickly alienate you from the rest of the team BECAUSE if done inappropriately will be perceived as being SELFISH.. and will be brought up in your next performance review. So our fear can have merit.
However its not easy to always communicate openly from the heart because others may take advantage of your good nature.
Take a moment to think about one of your boundaries that gets breached
that can at times leave you feeling sad, humiliated, resentful, undervalued, powerless BUT a boundary that you are afraid to reinforce because it will make your environment feel unsafe because of the consequences you fear may result and STOPS you from being the person you WANT to be?
Then ASK yourself..
TO what extent is learning to overcome the inner struggle to better know when enforcing a boundary is appropriate (and to better differentiate when you are just being obnoxious) Important?
Members in a team do NOT feel safe when AGREEMENTS are ignored or when their BOUNDARIES are in constant danger of being breached... but more often it is because a team member feels slightly uncomfortable, or uneasy letting others know what their boundaries are... OR feel it too rude and officious to enforce a boundary and letting a person know that they just overstepped it. So it becomes an inner tug of war that never gets resolved and builds more unwanted stress.
Penciling in boundaries that you insist others in your team are to observe has its risks. It can quickly alienate you from the rest of the team BECAUSE if done inappropriately will be perceived as being SELFISH.. and will be brought up in your next performance review. So our fear can have merit.
However its not easy to always communicate openly from the heart because others may take advantage of your good nature.
Take a moment to think about one of your boundaries that gets breached
that can at times leave you feeling sad, humiliated, resentful, undervalued, powerless BUT a boundary that you are afraid to reinforce because it will make your environment feel unsafe because of the consequences you fear may result and STOPS you from being the person you WANT to be?
Then ASK yourself..
TO what extent is learning to overcome the inner struggle to better know when enforcing a boundary is appropriate (and to better differentiate when you are just being obnoxious) Important?
GOAL
When we BELIEVE that others are MORE deserving than us, and that what we have to say is NOT worth knowing and so we STEP ASIDE for others because what they have to say is important we lose our own VOICE and hence our self ESTEEM. We soon feel powerless, unheard, unexpressed.
So that is why I feel its important we ask ourselves some QUESTIONS around
WHY being ASSERTIVE is IMPORTANT?
So that is why I feel its important we ask ourselves some QUESTIONS around
WHY being ASSERTIVE is IMPORTANT?
Q1 CAN you NAME an AREA in your LIFE where you are PASSIVE?
Q2 HOW does PASSIVE make you FEEL?Q3 WHAT does that STOP YOU from DOING?Q4 In what WAY does THAT make you feel POWERLESS?Q5 In what way does THAT make you feel UNHEARD?Q6 In what way does THAT make you feel UNEXPRESSED?Q7 In what way does that IMPACT SELF ESTEEM?
Q8 So could I say that ASSERTIVE impacts SELF ESTEEM positively?Q9 IF TRUE does that mean that ASSERTIVE is a GOAL worth pursuing... OR... NOT?
Q10 In what WAY?
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